I choose I live
My name is M Khafid Rifai was called Khafid but there are also who like to call me as Rifai. I am male and was born on January 25, 1993. I am the sixth child’s from the seventh child and I have three brothers and three daughters. My father’s name is H. Latif and my mother’s name is Sarotun. We live in a place that is in the Blitar area in street, Tunjung Kidul RT01/RW01. Precisely Tunjung Kidul Village, Sub district Udanawu regency Blitar.
When I was child, I always disturb my mother while my mother was cooking and others activity that did by my mother. My mother always scolded me, because I always disturbed her and I was crying when my mother scolded me. Today if I remember something that I was done by years ago. I always smile it. How foolish I am? “I disturb my mother and then I am crying when my mother scolded me” hehehe..! It’s foolish and funny, but, today I just want to pay for my mistakes that have done to my mother, father, sisters, and brothers. I will do the best to all of my families in the village and see them smile’s together. That is one of my dreams. But, before I tell you about all of my dreams, firstly I will tell you about my education.
When I was five years old, I was school in TK TUJUNG 3. In this school, I met with good, patient teacher named Bu Nur. She has taught me and other student with smiles in her face. So it was make me and other friend more attract to study. Commonly, I get good grade in painting course and drawing images, so it was make my other friends jealous to me. Usually my friends are defeating me because I got good grade and I cry while my friends were defeated me. But, our teacher (Bu Nur) always help me and make all of the student harmonious again. So the students are smile together again.
After coming home from school, I generally play football with my friends in the Madrasah’s yard until at 01 pm. Then go home to have lunch and take a bath to prepare to go to Madrasah. Usually I was in Madrasah until at 04.00 pm, this is for child and to young man or young woman to go to Madrasah at 06.30 pm until 08.00 pm. Many people in my village were religious people because plenty of people graduated from Islamic Boarding School. So people in my village was kind and good.
I had graduated from TK TUNJUNG 3 in 1999 in my village when my age was seven years old, and I continue to SDN TUNJUNG 3. This school was still in my village but, more far away from my house than TK TUNJUNG 3. “It is very present to the mind”. Like a baby that has been growing up and this life straight away to go forward. I learned steps by steps, parts by parts about lived and to make my life more meaningful and colorful. In the early morning, my neighbor has been coming together in my house; I didn’t know what happen in my house. However, I just know that my beloved father was lying down in mattress, all of my big families circled of my beloved father, and they have crying.
I didn’t know what should I do to my beloved father, confused, sad, regret mixed become one in my mind. I didn’t see all of my daughter and my brother circle my beloved father. They locked themselves in rooms and no one people that want to tell me what happen with my beloved father. I just think it about what will happen with my beloved father. Until I know that, my father flew out for the last breath. All of my big families cry out loudly and it sounds make me to cry out too. I cry out continually with regretfully. I heard my entire daughter and brother cry out from inside their rooms. I still confused, why, why my father leave my family? and when I was child and have one daughter that still didn’t know anything about lived. What’s wrong with my family? And there was a big question in my mind.
Day was passing away and I just wait a question! Until my teacher in the first grade of elementary school told me “this is a real live, and there is no durability in this world, everything in this world that live will be died”. I aware that I am just humankinds in this world and my teacher support me to become independent and responsibility person even though there is no father in my family. I can smile again and make my family more cheerful than before. Like a baby bird that have to fly out to see the world by itself. Now, I want to help my mother and all of my family, and do the best.
In 2005, I graduated from my elementary school SDN TUNJUNG 3. I continued my study in Islamic Junior High School in MTsN KUNIR, Region Srengat. In this school, I meet many attractive friends, which have different thought. It made me to appreciate with different thought and opinion. In addition, it made me more independent to solve any problems that appeared. The unforgettable thing when I had studied in Junior High school, I met with smarter friend, kind, which helped if I got problems. So, it makes me more spirit to study hard to have equal in a good grade with my smarter friend. It was not useless, in ascension class; I got favorite class with my smarter friend. It was unbelievable thing for me because plenty of my friends which smarter too didn’t get the favorite class.
I feel like flying in the sky, which uses my two wings that want to surround this world. However, I aware did not want to proud with myself because, it was just beginning. I made lists in my book about my dreams and tear it then I hung up it into my wall in my room. Finally, in the ascension class to the third class, I got the favorite class again with my smarter friend also. I was very happy and it made me more confident to make lists about my dreams in my book again until I get all of my dreams become true. It was very funny thing, I just sat down, and then I wrote about what I was wanted and made imaginations about it.
Even though, I didn’t want just sit down and make my imaginations. I also spent many times gather with my friends. My friends in the village was very kinds to me, they also always remembering me if I do mistakes. It has made me like to them, as proverb said, “if you want to know how good someone is, you can know with whom his friends are”. Now, event I far away with my friends, I always make relationship with them maybe with send messages, chatting, and call them. It’s make me know what happen with my friends, also my friends know about my condition and I will keep our relationship with my friends until god separate it.
In 2008, I graduated from Junior High School MTsN KUNIR, and I continued to Senior High School MA MA’ARIF, region Bakung. A plenty of my friends asked to me, why I choose this school, not state-owned, because at that time, there was a pride if someone could entered into state-owned school. I just silent with my friend’s talking about me. I chose the nearest school from my village because at that time, state-owned school was very far away from my village and I was aware that I must help my mother. Event I have a big family, most of my daughter and brother still have studied too.
Even though I didn’t enter into state-owned school like my friends, but, I didn’t want to loser from my friends. The days were continuing, and I was in second class of MA MA’ARIF. My mother didn’t able to pay for our school’s fee again. It was hard time to my family, until elder brother had decided to go out from his school. None of my family agreed with it, but my elder brother give some reasons. He want to looking for a job to help my family and his younger brother could continue to study. It was very hard to accept this reality, but it was coming true. My mother was tearfully allowed my elder brother to go out from his school.
I feel like there was a big stone that I must to take away from my shoulder, it was very hard to me. I thought to go out from my school too, why my older brother must go out from his school. Maybe because me, I blamed myself, confused, I didn’t want any one from my daughter must go out from school. Why I must feel like this again, I cried a loud and didn’t want go to school, but my elder brother hold my peace. He made me calm down and said, “You must continue to study, and have to make all of your dreams to be reality”. I always hold on this sentence to fire my spirit and I didn’t want his sacrifice lost with useless event, I always torn drop if I remember it.
Like a boat that sailing lonely, in the wide ocean, I allowed my older brother to go to other island to gain some job in there. I had promised to my older brother to continue my study until I could gain my dreams as much as I could. I woke up to study work hard again as my older brother said to me and I didn’t want disappointed him. Until in the ascension class, I told to my guidance’s teacher to give me some information about college. I want to continue my study in the college, and my guidance’s teacher respect about it. In the last semester of third class, my friends and I applied registration to study in the college. Some of my friends applied to the Jogjakarta, Surabaya, Malang etc. it was very funny because all of my friends have dreams.
In the last third class, my friends and I made some recreations to refresh our mind, and to make some wishes word that we must remember it. My friends and I graduated from MA MA’ARIF at 17th of June 2008. This time to make history in ourselves live, my friends and I were continued to the college that had been applied. Some of my friends went to Jogjakarta, Surabaya, Malang and some of my friends still study in the college that nearest from my town. Event my friends and I must separate each other but we had promised with our wishes word that had been we made. We have to run after dreams ourselves and we will meet each other soon, after some of ourselves dreams to be reality.
Meanwhile, days was always going to forward, and I have to leave my family in the village to continue my study. I didn’t want to burden my family, so asked to my mother to allow me look for some place that I could work and paid tuition fee by myself. I went to Surabaya to continue my study and I found out place that I could work to tuition fee. Firstly, I came to the place was really different, I was rather unlike, loneliness, and I want to come back to the home. Sometimes there was in mind, I want to go home again, but I remembered that I had been promised to my older brother and all my friends to continue our study, and we will meet each other again until we got some wishes that had been we made.
I always remembered all of my older brother’s sacrifices and all of wishes that had made by my friends. It was made strong, and didn’t want to break away, this was my choice and I had chosen this way, so I had to responsible and kept my promise. Event, sometimes, it felt very hard to face reality, but I must go on with kept all of my dreams and never look back again until I got my dreams to be reality. Finally, I found some friends, which could give me some spirit to study hard. I began to forget about my problem, and began to focus for what my aim.
Now, I have been studying in UIN SUNAN AMPEL University and I thank God activity was currently studying at the University in Surabaya. I was so grateful because can be accepted at the university, my major was English literature but most importantly I got the knowledge or skills acquired from this university and very beneficial for me. It was just a little part in my dreams and I didn’t want to proud early. I still remembered all of sacrifices people around me, especially my mother that have praying to me, my older brother, all of my family, all of my friends.
I had chosen this way, so I have to responsibility with my ways, and I lived with it. Thank God, which had given me opportunity, thank you mother, older brother, all family, all friends, thank you all.
“Every people have chance to be succeed, so you must more powerful, dream big, don’t give up to the reality, never give up, trying and don’t forget to pray, because it is just compete”
My hobbies are reading, even though I do not love to write but I love reading the work of others-especially short story or novel and the popular themed is stories horror story because it was exciting and a little nerve-racking even though like to get carried away but my dream like with the theme of horror. Moreover, my other habits are eating snack foods and chocolate I liked it because it was awful and when it’s one meal definitely addicted, want again and again. Yes, it does chocolate make our bodies so fat but I still like chocolate.
Thanks a lot